i want to talk about bad christmas music

Everyone has an opinion about Christmas music, ranging from “I love it all! All year long!” to “I hate it all. All year long.” I fall somewhere in between…well, I’m pretty close to the former. Ok, the truth is, if you didn’t know, I love Christmas music and I start listening to it ridiculously (fanatically) early.

But that doesn’t mean I like all Christmas music. Don’t misunderstand me – I’m not trying to say that I like some Christmas songs more than others. I want to be clear: there are some Christmas songs that they need to stop playing. Forever. For-ev-er.

Disclaimer – I hope to not offend here, because I know people have very strong feelings about their Christmas music and would hate to read someone else say that it makes their ears bleed. So if you have those tendencies, watch out.

Here are what I believe to comprise the absolute worst Christmas music. They also happen to be the ones the radio stations play maybe 75% of the time. Oh this frustrating world we live in.

1. Anything sung by Michael Buble, Gloria Estefan, the cast of Glee or anyone who’s ever participated in American Idol. Or by a Springsteen or a Mellencamp. Or by dogs barking. Yep, that’s all going in the same category.

2. Simply Having a Wonderful Christmastime and Step Into Christmas.  As much as I love and respect Paul McCartney and Elton John it’s just too antithetical for me to hear them sing about Christmas and how totally fun it is.

3. I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Clause. Honestly, I didn’t know until I was into my 20s that this song is actually about a kid seeing his dad in a Santa Clause costume. I was in college before I realized it wasn’t actually about Mommy getting it on with Santa while Dad while sleeping. That being said, I find this song totally creepy. Just hearing someone singing repeatedly about their Mommy kissing anyone is weird to me. Like Freudian Oedipal weird.

4. Anything having to do with a Peanuts movie. No disrespect to Mr. Schulz, but the songs sound like funeral music.

5. Mary Did You Know by anyone who sings it. This song also has a depressing tone to me on top of which (if memory serves correctly) she did know. The angel told her. So stop asking.

6. Same Old Lang Syne by Dan Fogelberg. Just sad. I’m sad just thinking about how sad this song is.

7. Where Are You Christmas? by Faith Hill. I hate this song. How can you have a Christmas song about Christmas that’s only played during the Christmas season that says “Where are you Christmas? Why can’t I find you?” I think I would find this song acceptable if they played it in April (and someone else sang it).

8. Santa Baby, though it’s more bearable when sung by Eartha Kitt. I’m going to categorize this one as creepy too. I don’t really appreciate anyone trying to sexify Christmas.

9. Baby It’s Cold Outside. Y’all are probably all going to think I’m overanalyzing, but the man in this song is way too pushy and the woman is irritatingly coy. The most disturbing lines of this song include, as sung by the woman, “the answer is no” and “hey,…what’s in this drink.” I wish she’d just make up her mind and leave or shut up and stay. His responses to her pleas to leave include “what’s the sense in hurting my pride?” and “how could you do this thing to me?” And, appallingly, one stanza ends with her saying “I ought to say no, no, no sir. At least I’m gonna say that I tried.” Harumph!

10. And I just can’t talk about Christmas music without giving homage to the absolute worst and most odious Christmas song ever written that I don’t think needs further explaining: Christmas Shoes.

One more thing: A Few of My Favorite Things is not a Christmas song. It has nothing to do with Christmas.

Did I leave any out? Which ones do you just absolutely despise?

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3 Responses so far »

  1. 1

    Gabby Angel said,

    Only one got left out that I can think of, nobody can possibly like this song. “Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer”, it really is the one I despise!

  2. 3

    i love baby its cold outside, even though i have to agree it kinda screams “date rape” with some of those lyrics.


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