the most narcissistic gift i’ve ever given and how you can make one too

My grandma loves to go have coffee and breakfast at the cafe in our hometown. When one of my siblings or I am in town we go with her; it gives us a special chance to catch up on what’s happening in eachothers’ lives. Since I stayed with my parents a lot this summer, I ended up getting to  have breakfast every Monday morning with my grandma before heading back to the city to work. 

When I recently relocated myself back to my beloved city ole Grandma was pretty disappointed that our Monday morning coffee time had come to an end. I know what she was thinking:

Now that I’m gone, who will call her and schedule breakfast for 8:00am the next day and then almost-make-it-out-the-door-on-time-but-of-course-always-be-15 minutes-late?

Who will smile awkwardly while everyone stops to fill her in on all the diseases and ailments affecting the quickly aging population of the town? 

Who will be there to explain to her that it’s not THAT weird to be 28 years old and not really know what you want to do with your life?

Flat Kate will.

flat kate

"yum yum yum...mmmm i sure like coffeee...oh um, hey....i'm sorry i was late to breakfast...again.

Yep. I made a flat version of myself for my grandma to take to coffee. And guess what? Apparently we had coffee on Saturday morning together. I’m sure we had a lovely time.

Making a flat version of yourself is the easiest thing in the world. My dad has this tool and special printer that will actually do the whole thing for you in a pretty awesome way. Unfortunately, I did not have that tool at my disposal, and I’m guessing you don’t either, so here’s how I did it:

1. Gather posterboard, glue stick, photos, scissors, exacto knife and perhaps tape. A glue stick is important because regular glue will make your picture wrinkle. You only need an exacto knife if you want your cutout to be really exacto.


Step 2 – Glue pictures to poster board, let dry and cut out pictures. In the above picture I have already glued my photos to my posterboard. After you cut out your pictures, you will cut some right triangles. Mine look to be isosceles but I don’t think that’s essential. (Yes, I really did just want to type the word isosceles.)

Step 3 – Make a stand. To make a stand you fold your little triangles so that you can tape/glue them to your flat self.

Step 4. Affix your stand to your flat self.

Step 5. Admire your work and then give to someone who might miss you.

flat kate

…or someone who might miss your dog.

Now I’ve got to work on my flat Grandma to keep me company…


8 Responses so far »

  1. 1

    Kara said,

    I’m gonna need a flat Kate ASAP!

  2. 3

    Courtney said,

    Hahaha, you’re such a nerd, and I love it. 🙂

  3. 5

    Jane said,

    Joanne asked where Kate was this morning at breakfast…we both said, “In Austin”….then realized she was asking about flat kate. ha.

  4. 7

    Awesome! You are hilarious 🙂

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